


let me let you go

by yerimoney



Category: Red Velvet (K-pop Band)
Genre: F/F
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-11-04
Updated: 2018-11-04
Packaged: 2019-08-17 13:01:07
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 631
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16516958
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/yerimoney/pseuds/yerimoney
Summary: - but nothing is better sometimes, once we've both said our goodbyes.(it's possible i might continue this as part of a series or something)





	let me let you go

irene is, what they call, falling out of love.

looking at the term, it should be a verb. an action. something she does.

it's not. it's a time period, and she doesn't even do anything - she just lets the time period squeeze her heart until it's emotionless.

emotionless when joy kisses her and touches the small of her back. emotionless when joy smiles at her and she smiles back. but smiling back feels like a burden now. nothing tells her to smile back. all she processes is that joy is smiling at her now. and nothing else.

"i love you," joy whispers, her eyes - hoping and shining, still believing in them.

irene tries not to see the desperation in her eyes, the desperation that's trying to keep then together, keep her from leaving.

(it's a time period when irene stops fighting. stops believing. lets the inevitable come when it does.)

and it hurts, it hurts seeing where they are now.

once, irene had met her on the way to class, almost stumbling into her before they both regained balance and glanced at each other. laughed.

(the rush irene felt, whatever was blooming in her chest - it's a ghost now. it's gone - irene had felt it floating away and she tried to get it back, but she couldn't. so she stopped trying.)

the first time irene kissed her was at her house, when joy was talking about how she always wanted a dog as a pet.  she found that adorable. found that it made her heart clench and her head spin, made her just want to go up and-

and they are kissing. and joy is a little startled, but when she's eased into it, irene thinks that this is the most happiness she will feel.

too bad it was.

now her heart clenches and her head spins, and all she wants to do is retreat into herself.

she can't bring herself to look at joy now and think  _this is the most i can feel for you now, i'm so sorry._

she doesn't know how she'll tell her. watch the hopeful expression fall from her eyes and the smile from her face, watch her crumble. because of her.

 _coward,_ she tells herself. she can't bring herself to face her own wrongs, can't bring herself to hurt joy even though she already is.

it's when joy leaves a trail of kisses along her neck, and shifts on the bed so that she can wrap her arms around irene.

and irene simply doesn't respond.

they are a picture that doesn't move, something that was.

she can't imagine not being where they are now, however. she can't ever think of joy bringing her the burst of happiness in her chest anymore, but she can't ever think of them being friends at all. they were never really friends - they'd dived in too fast, too deep, too long.

and when irene comes up for air and looks around, she realizes she's the only one.

it's not that joy hasn't yet. she just doesn't want to.

because they both can see it, see it in the way they don't send shivers up the other's arm anymore, see it in their toneless voices and their passionless stares. they only ask each other "when does it end?"

it's just that irene has already given up, let the situation wash over her. and she desperately wishes joy would too so she wouldn't be scared of telling her "i don't think we're working anymore."

...

"what's wrong?" joy asks her, voice trembling and eyes frantic when irene cries and suddenly pushes away from her grip, breaking the hug.

"joohyun, come back, we can talk about it-"

but she only walks away and leaves.

_\- i'll only hurt you if you let me_

_181103_

**Author's Note:**

> i'm so sorry, i love you


End file.
